I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You are a genius and a whore.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
