wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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