dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
