idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
