I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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