end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
