i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
