she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
