I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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