everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I will pee on everything he values.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
