People with herpes should wear stickers.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
