He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize