i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
that is very illegal...i love you.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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