I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
