So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
