So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
ok first of all what the fuck
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