Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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