you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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