The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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