i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
