hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
