where does the pee come out of this thing
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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