Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
FUCK WHALES
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
