look no pants
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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