Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
