I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
