Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize