You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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