he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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