this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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