My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize