I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
