She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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