Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
