9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
