Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
