Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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