but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
