i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
