i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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