Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
