i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
