Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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