I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
there was a trapeze. enough said
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
