He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
