Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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