Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I need a beard to bite.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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