Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
i think my cat just said my name.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize