one might say we're banned from that church
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
