how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
