She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
