I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
