Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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