she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
