I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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