Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
