Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
