i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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