There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
